book club: the subtle art of not giving a f*ck
the bananas + bellinis book club… something i totally intended on doing consistently and just didn’t… add it to the freakin’ list, amiright?!
at the beginning of the year, i set a bunch of goals [NOT “resolutions”] and one of them was to read 24 books in 2017 [averaging about 2 per month]. i’m a liiiittttttllllleee bit behind [currently working my way through number 10] but i’ve read a few really, really f*cking good ones, so bringing the book club back just feels right. and remember, i’m not pushing things if i’m not feelin’ it anymore.
so, back in april, i read the subtle art of not giving a f*ck by mark manson. i was so excited to dive into this one because it was born from my favorite blog post of all time [of the same title, by the same author] which if you haven’t read it before… get to it, but the book takes the same points made in the blog post and just expands on them… in a big way. it breaks it down, and takes it to the next level.
the core of manson’s message is all about figuring out what’s most important to you… and no longer giving a f*ck about the other sh*t. and he’s really good at removing the fluff. he can seem a little harsh, but sometimes tough love is the best way to get the point across… many of us need a big, fat reality check delivered with eff bombs flying from every direction. if you don’t like the “non non-sense” approach [or profanity] this book definitely isn’t for you. if you’re okay with it [and kinda embrace it, like i do]… read on.
for me, one of the biggest takeaways was that instead of focusing on not having problems and aiming for a life of perfection [because life isn’t perfect and there’s always gonna be sh*t to deal with] manson suggests asking yourself this:
what problem do you want to have?
life is about figuring out what is worth the struggle… what’s worth the pain, the heartbreak… what you want to fail at… what you want to have to pick yourself back up from, and try again and again and again until you get it right… failure and pain are the way to happiness and success, and you can’t have one without the other.
another thing that he touches on a lot is how caring about what other people think is the downfall of so many of us. we spend so much time and energy pursuing a certain career, dressing a certain way, doing this because we think so-and-so will like us more if we do, putting ourselves in situations we have no interest in being a part of because we feel obligated for whatever reason to do it… and sh*t like this is a giant waste of f*cking time.
why is it a giant waste of f*cking time? because, believe it or not, what other people think of us does not matter. if you’re not happy, if you’re not following your truth… then life makes zero. f*cking. sense. [sorry for all the eff bombs but this book just really fires me up!] so stop giving a f*ck about what you think you should be doing, and just go out and do what you want.
finally, the last point from his book that i wanted to touch on that really struck a chord for me can be summed up in this quote:
“you will have a growing appreciation for life’s basic experiences: the pleasures of simple friendship, creating something, helping a person in need, reading a good book, laughing with someone you care about.
sounds boring doesn’t it? that’s because these things are ordinary. but maybe they’re ordinary for a reason: because they are what actually matters.”
in conclusion, we all need to stop giving a f*ck about sh*t that doesn’t matter. society wants us to believe that our careers, our possessions, our “status” and our bank accounts are the most important things in our lives, but society is f*cking wrong. once we realize this and adjust our lives accordingly, we’ll be able to enjoy and truly appreciate the little things… the little things that make up most of the time in between the big things… and stop giving a f*ck about everything else.
if any of this has resonated with you… or you feel like you just need a kick in the ass to get your sh*tget the book right now together… and get ready to get real with yourself… and everyone in your life in the process.
a note on inspiration
so… it’s been a while. about 2.5 months to be exact. i did feel pretty guilty about this for a while [what’s new?] because i love writing, i love this blog, and i love putting my thoughts, ideas, tips, and tricks out there… and i feel great when i do it… but i kinda came to terms with the fact that i also don’t even care that i’ve taken a little unplanned hiatus… and here’s why.
inspiration comes and goes. my last post, which went up right before i left for cuba, was on a topic i felt really passionately about… something i feel like i have enough experience with and knowledge about to put out into the world. i felt inspired to write the post in the days leading up to my trip because i was living it. i was in the moment, doing what i normally do when i’m preparing to go on vacation… so the post came very naturally for me… one could say that it flowed.
when i got back from cuba… it wasn’t that i was feeling uninspired… quite the opposite actually… but in a different way. i spent the entire week i was there disconnected… no cell phone service, no wifi, no TV… nothing. and i loved every second of it. that aspect of the trip was honestly a huge part of what made it my favorite vacation i’ve ever taken. i was so present… i was living in the moment… and when i got back to LA, i kinda sorta wanted to keep that feeling going.
i kept telling myself “okay this week i’m going to sit down and write a post” … “i’m going to post once per week again starting next week” … and it just didn’t happen. and that’s okay… because this is what i’ve realized:
forcing yourself to do something when you’re uninspired to do it is completely pointless. sure, some people might argue the opposite… and in some cases, you probably do need to pull yourself together and fake it ’til you make it… but, taking a step back can be a good thing… and a totally necessary thing, too. which was absolutely the case for me.
my experience in cuba [which i’ll recap soon!] was so surreal that i don’t know how to put it into words… a few weeks after that, i had one of the most fun weekends ever at coachella… then i celebrated my 29th birthday, and went all out in the process… my family came to visit me in LA allllllllll the way from PA…
i’ve also been teaching yoga, working part time at a really effing cool workout studio [which i’ll tell you guys more about later!]… i’ve met a lot of amazing new people…. gone to parties and celebrated birthdays… i’ve spent a lot of time outdoors [my truest happy place]… i had nights that turned into mornings… i’ve taken naps in the middle of the afternoon [so unlike me]… i got into a car accident [no one was seriously injured, but holy sh*t is dealing with insurance companies a nightmare]… i went camping with 23 of my closest friends in joshua tree…
i’ve had a pretty eventful few months… and blogging took the back burner. and you know what? i’m okay with it. because here i am now… i’ve had some time to breathe, go with the flow, and really live in the present… and get re-inspired in the process. i’d rather post nothing than post something that felt forced… or that was total sh*t [which i’ve done before, let’s be honest]… but now, i’m back in a place where i feel like i’m full of inspiration and i can’t wait to share it all with you!
so, before i sign off, i just want to say this: if you’re feeling uninspired… if you want to do something but just can’t find the will to do it… don’t force it. take a step back… re-evaluate your whys… maybe you’ll discover that it’s not really what you want to be doing… or maybe you’ll discover that it absolutely 100% is… and you just needed some space to figure that out. [kinda comes back to that whole idea of saying “no”, ya feel me?]
and with all of that being said, i’m so excited to be back! i have weekly posts planned for the rest of the summer… and hopefully i’ll be able to revamp some things around here in the next few months, too… so i hope you can forgive me for my little hiatus and hop right back in where we left off… it’s gonna be fun, i promise.
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